The Exploding Orange Fiasco
by kunoichimirai
Summary: Konzen accidentally agrees to a picnic, and now must suffer throught the War of the Oranges. possible KonzenGoku, onesided KonzenTenpou. Rated for possible language.


"Nya! Konzen! Konzen!"

Konzen sighed irritably. The stupid monkey couldn't leave him alone for even a minute…it was worse than taking care of a baby. Not that Konzen would know, but it had to be hard to be more demanding than Son Goku was. And the worst part of it all was that Konzen couldn't just kill him and be done with it…no, the bakazaru insisted on coming back. Blasted rechargability…

"What is it?" he said wearily.

A seemingly young boy bounced up to where the blonde god was sitting at his neatly organized desk. The child had messy brown hair that grew back into a long ponytail in the back, and a golden diadem encircled his skull, effectively restraining his demonic heritage. Wide golden eyes shone with trust and innocence, belying the ancient strength that lurked beneath the childish persona. Shackles bound his wrists and ankles, each weighing a phenomenal amount, and yet he moved about as easily as if they did not even exist. Such was the power that Goku possessed. Said monkey was currently pleading with his keeper to let him have a picnic. Needless to say, it wasn't going over so well.

"Come on, Konzen! I wanna have a picnic! That weird lady said that it would be a really good idea! Please, Konzen!"

"No." Konzen said flatly. There was NO WAY he was going to host a picnic for this stupid monkey, no matter how adorable he was…

Konzen's eyes widened imperceptibly. Wait…what the hell had THAT been? Did he just think that his young charge was…cute! Bad Konzen…bad, BAD Konzen! He wasn't a pedophile, for Kami-sama's sake! As preoccupied as he was, he did not hear Goku's insistent pleas.

"…so can I, Konzen?"

"Yeah?" Konzen blinked blearily. "What?"

But it was too late, the damage had already been done. Goku was already bouncing around the room screaming, "Picnic! Picnic! I'm gonna have a picnic!" while breaking everything in sight. Konzen blinked sharply.

…well, shit.

The next few days passed without any incident, much to Field Marshall Tenpou's relief. Indeed, nothing out of the ordinary, just the usual bitching of his subordinates, whom he had told COUNTLESS times that NO, they could not get a raise, and damn, why the hell did they need a vacation for? Weren't they in heaven already? Tenpou sighed. Some people were impossible to please.

It was quiet and peaceful, the cherry trees swaying gently in the wind, scattering their delicate rosy petals across the heavenly garden. Perfect reading weather, and there had been a book delivered just the day before yesterday that hadn't been read yet…

"Tenpy-chan!"

And Tenpou could only watch as it was all blown to smithereens…

Pasting a pleasant smile on his face to cover his ire, Tenpou turned around to greet the diminuitive earth spirit.

"Ah, Goku. What is it?"

Said spirit bounced up to Tenpou happily, in a state of hyper-activeness.

"Guess what, guess what!"

Tenpou was patient. Otherwise, he would probably have killed every single one of his stupid subordinates already…

"What, Goku?"

"Konzen said that I could have a picnic, and today's really pretty! Do you wanna come?"

A picnic? This could prove quite fortuitous, if played out carefully.

"Ah…who else is coming Goku?"

Goku stopped in mid-bounce, his face screwed up in an attitude of extreme concentration. It was times like this that made people wonder if Goku had a defective brain. Maybe there was a return address, 'Made in Heaven. Call 1-800-MORASS1 for technical help and repairs.' One could only hope.

"I dunno…"

There was another pause.

"Konzen's comin'! And, um…maybe Ken-nii-chan? I didn't ask 'im yet…But Nataku can't come." Goku's face fell. "I went to his house, but he wasn't there…maybe he's on another mission?"

Tenpou celebrated inside. Konzen was coming…excellent. Perhaps it was now time to execute Step #129 in Tenpou's plan: 'Konzen Super Sexy Seduction'… But now, there was a monkey to console.

"Maa, maa, don't worry, Goku. I'm sure Nataku will be back soon. Maybe you can ask him on a picnic when he comes back. I'm sure he'll accept, right?"

Goku cheered up considerably.

"Yeah! OK! So, ya gonna come, or what?"

Tenpou smiled pleasantly. This could be translated to as: 'Mischievous Grin' according to the Tenpou-World dictionary. Not many were in possession of a copy, and certainly not Goku.

"Of course."

Thus, it began. What would come of it, nobody knew. Certainly, there would be near-death experiences for few, destruction, and overall mayhem.

Konzen would have a headache trying to deal with three idiots and trying to figure out why he had funny pangs in his heart whenever the stupidest idiot looked at him, which was quite often.

Kenren would manage to goad Goku into fighting him, or instigate a playful game of SOMETHING, which would invariably result in property damage, even if they were playing bocce ball. Such was Kenren's nature.

Tenpou would attempt to execute Step #129 in his 'Konzen Super Sexy Seduction' plan, without any knowledge of Konzen's newfound infatuation with his charge, and Goku…

Goku would eat, perfectly oblivious to the drama surrounding him. So what else was new?

It was shaping up to be another normal day in heaven.

A/N: While I know I really shouldn't stop it here, I really wanted to update…so here you go. The idea was borrowed with permission from my friend, Moonlight Magician. Saiyuki does not belong o me, and never will. Please, r/r! Ramen and cookies to all who are still here. NOTE: In response to reviews, I may post comments on my profile, so if you're curious, go and check it out. News about my fics will also be posted there.

Kuno


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